Ik wil niemand hiermee lastig vallen, maar ik moet het even kwijt. En omdat ik er niet iedereen mee wil lastig vallen doe ik het in het Nederlands...
Ik werk in de zorg en op dit moment is dat erg stressvol. Ik kan absoluut niet omgaan met stress en het wordt me dan ook allemaal eventjes teveel nu!
Ik heb wanhopig collega's afgebeld om diensten over te nemen/ te ruilen omdat ik naar het ziekenhuis moest of om andere redenen. Niemand die me helpt. Als ik wat extra's wil doen op het werk, geven zij me er NOG meer bij. Ze maken misbruik van me en als ik er wat van zeg, weten ze het zo te spelen dat het mijn probleem is en niet dat van hun!
Ik werk vaak veel dagen achter elkaar, om de week werk ik 6 van de 7 dagen, laatst waren het er 9 achter elkaar. Lichamelijk trek ik dit niet langer. Mijn rug is al langer een probleem en er zijn daarom afspraken gemaakt met arbo-arts, personeelszaken en teamleider om ervoor te zorgen dat ik dit werk wel nog gewoon kan doen. Een van die afspraken was niet meer dan 3 ochtenden achter elkaar werken... Je raad het, hier houden ze zich al lang niet meer aan. Ik zeg er niets van. Een andere afspraak is dat er bepaalde clienten zijn waarvan de zorg erg zwaar is, planning houdt ook hier geen rekening meer mee, ik zeg er niets van. Ik merk aan mezelf dat ik de laatste tijd veel thuis blijf en op de bank hang, om mijn rug te kunnen ontlasten. Hier zouden mijn vrije dagen niet voor moeten zijn! Ik merk dat zodra er niemand thuis is, ik me vreselijk alleen voel, vrienden heb ik niet veel in de buurt. Ik mis mijn vrienden! Ik let al maanden niet meer goed op mijn dieet. Het gaat weken goed en nu sinds 3 dagen weer helemaal niet meer, omdat ik meer bezig ben met mijn werk dan met mezelf. Ik stress veel, en als ik stress ga ik eten! Uit verveling, gewoonte. Om mezelf te kalmeren. DIT MAG NIET! DIT WIL IK NIET! Deze week heb ik me ziek gemeld op het werk, voor 1 dag, ik was opgebrand. Maar omdat ik vond dat ik het wel weer aan kon om het weekend weer wat te werken, had ik gevraagd mij een aangepaste route te geven en dit is NIET gebeurd. Ik ben ontzettend woest en voor de zoveelste keer teleurgesteld in de collegialiteit die in de zorg voor mijn gevoel niet meer te vinden is. Mijn rug springt direct op slot, ik heb hoofdpijn en ik zit alweer aan mijn nagels te knagen. Er is niemand thuis, dus bel ik na vaak overwegen toch mijn moeder even op die in bad zit in een huisje, want ze heeft een weekendje weg geboekt met pap. Ik moest het gewoon even kwijt en daarom heb ik toch gebeld. Ook mijn ouders vinden dat ik dit weekend niet moet werken en dat ik voorlopig misschien even helemaal aan mezelf moet gaan denken. Even weg van het werk. Het bezorgd me nu even teveel stress. En ik moet NIET meer denken aan mijn collega's of de clienten, maar aan mijzelf. IK! Ik kan niet meer, ik verpest mijn vrije dagen en mezelf door het werk momenteel. Ik ben helemaal niet happy, dat eet ik weg. Ik voel me alleen, terwijl ik dat niet ben. Ik denk alleen maar aan voorvallen met collega's en de problemen op het werk. Het absorbeert mij! Het moet even stoppen! Ik ben verdomme 22 jaar! Moet dit nu? Maar wat moet ik anders? Het werk is wel prima, maar de organisatie is kut! Misschien als meer mesen zich ziek melden doordat ze overspannen (ja, ik denk dat ik dat ben) zijn, dat er veranderingen komen. Ik heb me nog niet ziek gemeld, dat kan pas morgenvroeg, maar ik voel me nu al vreselijk schuldig. Maar ik denk nu echt aan mezelf, en IK kan dit even niet meer! Ik ben toch niet alweer in mn eentje op de bank aan t janken voor de tv?! Die tijd heb ik toch gehad?! Ik heb me toch al ontzettend verandert?! Ik moet mijn prioriteiten op een rijtje zetten. En dat is, zoals dat het afgelopen jaar was, mijn dieet! Ik wil die laatste kilo's ervanaf en stress kan ik daar niet bij gebruiken. Welke gevolgen het gaat hebben, dat ik me nu ziek meld, zie ik dan wel. Dit voelt nu het beste en fuck the rest! Nu ben ik aan de beurt, ik houd mijn mond niet meer! Nu nog hopen dat schuldgevoel weg ebt...
vrijdag 24 september 2010
My creativity
I'm a very calm person on the outside. I sometimes even like to think of myself as lazy! I hate to admit this, but it is true.
In my mind however, I am always busy. I have all the ideas when it comes to movies, how they would be interesting, scary or romantic... Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking about doing anything in the movie business, but perhaps if I allow myself the time and let my imagination take over, I could!
Also when it comes to artwork, my mind is always spinning! I make wish cards, I paint now and then and recently I made a whole batch of bracelets. 30 seconds to mars inspired bracelets to be more precize!
That's another thing that's constantly on my mind, music. I live and breathe for it and the biggest regret I have in life, is the fact that I can't make music. I dont have the voice, though I love to sing, and I don't play any instrument, though I might be able to! I guess, the insecure girl in me just doesn't let me try it out...
In my life, I'm always lost in my own daydreams. In my imagination I have a husband, kids, I can see how my own home looks like. And because of that, probably, I'm still single, have no kids and live at home with my parents. In my busy head I've got it all figured out, all the paintings I want to make, all the songs I'd love to sing and hell! even all the actors I'd like to kiss! All the awards I'd love to win for all of that.
But my mind also wonders... Is this really what you want? Don't you like, just what you have. I'd like to scream out that I hate what I have, cuz I have absolutely nothing... But my creative mind! And with that creative mind and all the stuff I know I can do if I just set my mind to it, the way I can escape everything around me because of that creative daydreaming mind, I feel pretty damn rich!
I simply love what a lot of people love, music, art, movies... I like to get lost in my own imagination and set my mind free, who doesn't want to escape this hell hole called earth sometimes. And I have hope! Hope, that maybe, just maybe, someday either one of my imaginative dreams may come true. Even it's it's just a little part of it...
In my mind however, I am always busy. I have all the ideas when it comes to movies, how they would be interesting, scary or romantic... Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking about doing anything in the movie business, but perhaps if I allow myself the time and let my imagination take over, I could!
Also when it comes to artwork, my mind is always spinning! I make wish cards, I paint now and then and recently I made a whole batch of bracelets. 30 seconds to mars inspired bracelets to be more precize!
That's another thing that's constantly on my mind, music. I live and breathe for it and the biggest regret I have in life, is the fact that I can't make music. I dont have the voice, though I love to sing, and I don't play any instrument, though I might be able to! I guess, the insecure girl in me just doesn't let me try it out...
In my life, I'm always lost in my own daydreams. In my imagination I have a husband, kids, I can see how my own home looks like. And because of that, probably, I'm still single, have no kids and live at home with my parents. In my busy head I've got it all figured out, all the paintings I want to make, all the songs I'd love to sing and hell! even all the actors I'd like to kiss! All the awards I'd love to win for all of that.
But my mind also wonders... Is this really what you want? Don't you like, just what you have. I'd like to scream out that I hate what I have, cuz I have absolutely nothing... But my creative mind! And with that creative mind and all the stuff I know I can do if I just set my mind to it, the way I can escape everything around me because of that creative daydreaming mind, I feel pretty damn rich!
I simply love what a lot of people love, music, art, movies... I like to get lost in my own imagination and set my mind free, who doesn't want to escape this hell hole called earth sometimes. And I have hope! Hope, that maybe, just maybe, someday either one of my imaginative dreams may come true. Even it's it's just a little part of it...
Is it really possible
Is it really possible that some people are meant to be alone? Well, not alone, but without that "special someone" "the other half" "soulmate" ... DAMN those words! I'm seriously gonna give up on love!
So I'm not the type of girl that goes out, it's not like I'm always at home! I go to places, I meet people. So I don't stand out and grab people's attention. Does that really mean I'm not worty of another gaze, another smile, another conversation? Do all men just have to walk me by? Do all men have to make me think they like me, just to eventually let me know they've been in a relationship for some time..??!! It's frustrating me and I'm tired of the disappointment!
YES, I have some standarts and I think all women should have them! It would avoid lots of heartbreaks! YES I battle my insecurities every damn day of my life and I'm trying to change whatever I can about that! And NO I do not need anybody in my life to add any insecurities, but I can't MAKE myself fall in love with a guy that just doesn't cut it for me! I don't believe in perfection, no one does. But people do believe in love... I want that too! I wanna believe that there is this thing called "love"I wanna feel it and give it like they say in those damn lovesongs. I wanna enjoy those lovesongs in stead of hating them! I wanna feel them! Not wanna cry because "here is another one talking about the one thing I don't understand"!
I just wanna open myself up to it. To a guy that meets my standarts, or at least comes close. Who will love me for me, and for what I look like and love to do in life. I wanna have my own place and kids and start having MY life. The life that I've been dreaming of for so long, how my house is gonna look, color on the walls, the furniture, the name of my kids, I want 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl all healthy! I WANNA LOVE! It's okay to dream, but I only dream for my dreams to come true... Just a little bit. It can't be too much to ask can it?!
Is there someone out there for me? My personal "prince Charming", maybe in disguise? My happy?
I wipe away another tear inside and think to myself: "You will get what you truely want and need in life, no matter what!"
So I'm not the type of girl that goes out, it's not like I'm always at home! I go to places, I meet people. So I don't stand out and grab people's attention. Does that really mean I'm not worty of another gaze, another smile, another conversation? Do all men just have to walk me by? Do all men have to make me think they like me, just to eventually let me know they've been in a relationship for some time..??!! It's frustrating me and I'm tired of the disappointment!
YES, I have some standarts and I think all women should have them! It would avoid lots of heartbreaks! YES I battle my insecurities every damn day of my life and I'm trying to change whatever I can about that! And NO I do not need anybody in my life to add any insecurities, but I can't MAKE myself fall in love with a guy that just doesn't cut it for me! I don't believe in perfection, no one does. But people do believe in love... I want that too! I wanna believe that there is this thing called "love"I wanna feel it and give it like they say in those damn lovesongs. I wanna enjoy those lovesongs in stead of hating them! I wanna feel them! Not wanna cry because "here is another one talking about the one thing I don't understand"!
I just wanna open myself up to it. To a guy that meets my standarts, or at least comes close. Who will love me for me, and for what I look like and love to do in life. I wanna have my own place and kids and start having MY life. The life that I've been dreaming of for so long, how my house is gonna look, color on the walls, the furniture, the name of my kids, I want 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl all healthy! I WANNA LOVE! It's okay to dream, but I only dream for my dreams to come true... Just a little bit. It can't be too much to ask can it?!
Is there someone out there for me? My personal "prince Charming", maybe in disguise? My happy?
I wipe away another tear inside and think to myself: "You will get what you truely want and need in life, no matter what!"
MARS promo Amsterdam august 1th
To celebrate 30 Seconds to Mars and their latest album This Is War and not to mention the EPIC Into The Wild tour the band has been doing for almost a year around the world now, some Dutch Echelon got together at the train station in Amsterdam on August 1th!
At around 12.30 pm we started marching through Amsterdam, leaving some cookie-crumbs as we went;)
First we arrived at De Dam and started making some pictures as us in formation of The TRIAD!
We also saw some other familliar faces on the Dam who seemned to be as excited about MARS as us and ready to promote a little aswell!!!
We had a quick lunch and walked on towards Museum Plein. Had a little drink on the way since we were getting pretty thirsty from all the Mars-talking and walking LOL
We arrived at Musem Plein and used the I AMSTERDAM sign wisely... Now who put that there??!! *evil grin...
We even found that damn bike Shannon was missing...
God, he would be thankful to know it's still in one piece! And that it's safe and used regularly in the bicycle capital of the world;)
Again we formed a cute Triad to finish our mission of the day!!! And I'm thinking Amsterdam is pretty aware of MARS now!!! NO NO NO NO, they will never forget!!!!
We had an amazing family gathering and I'm sure we're gonna have more of those! To promote our family band and the core that will always keep us connected: 30 SECONDS TO MARS!!!
WE JUMP AN TOUCH THE SKY!!!
At around 12.30 pm we started marching through Amsterdam, leaving some cookie-crumbs as we went;)
First we arrived at De Dam and started making some pictures as us in formation of The TRIAD!
We also saw some other familliar faces on the Dam who seemned to be as excited about MARS as us and ready to promote a little aswell!!!
We had a quick lunch and walked on towards Museum Plein. Had a little drink on the way since we were getting pretty thirsty from all the Mars-talking and walking LOL
We arrived at Musem Plein and used the I AMSTERDAM sign wisely... Now who put that there??!! *evil grin...
We even found that damn bike Shannon was missing...
God, he would be thankful to know it's still in one piece! And that it's safe and used regularly in the bicycle capital of the world;)
Again we formed a cute Triad to finish our mission of the day!!! And I'm thinking Amsterdam is pretty aware of MARS now!!! NO NO NO NO, they will never forget!!!!
We had an amazing family gathering and I'm sure we're gonna have more of those! To promote our family band and the core that will always keep us connected: 30 SECONDS TO MARS!!!
WE JUMP AN TOUCH THE SKY!!!
Friends?
Gotta get something off my chest AGAIN!
Due to a lot of things that happened to me in high school, it takes a long time for me to trust someone let alone call them a "friend" of mine. To me, friend is a huge word and a title you have to deserve! A lot of people I thought were my friends let me down so hard in the past, I'm not gonna let that happen again! I only have 2 people that I truely call my friends and one of them is my best one! Other than that I have a few girls that are almost friends to me, but not the same... And one who is a friend of my mother, who I hang out with a lot! We have a lot in common and a lot of the same interests, only she makes a lot of deals and appointments with me and others only to not follow through on them eventually!!! I hate that! Then don't tell me you're gonna go to a concert with me and make me buy 2 tickets, only for you to say, one week before the gig, you aren't coming with me and I should try to sell the other ticket! Don't ask me to buy a full spanish course so you can copy my books and pay me back half, if you eventually stop taking the classes and never pay me! Don't tell me you will go to a party with my if you're not gonna go!!! I'm so frustrated right now! Why does she do that??!! Doesn't friendship mean a damn thing to her?? I don't concider her a good friend anymore, just a friend of the family and this was the absolute last time I'll ever agree to do something "fun" with her! It seems to only cost me money and patience!!! NO MORE!
Friends should love each other, help each other and be there for each other, not depend and abuse!
Guess this is the story of my life....
Due to a lot of things that happened to me in high school, it takes a long time for me to trust someone let alone call them a "friend" of mine. To me, friend is a huge word and a title you have to deserve! A lot of people I thought were my friends let me down so hard in the past, I'm not gonna let that happen again! I only have 2 people that I truely call my friends and one of them is my best one! Other than that I have a few girls that are almost friends to me, but not the same... And one who is a friend of my mother, who I hang out with a lot! We have a lot in common and a lot of the same interests, only she makes a lot of deals and appointments with me and others only to not follow through on them eventually!!! I hate that! Then don't tell me you're gonna go to a concert with me and make me buy 2 tickets, only for you to say, one week before the gig, you aren't coming with me and I should try to sell the other ticket! Don't ask me to buy a full spanish course so you can copy my books and pay me back half, if you eventually stop taking the classes and never pay me! Don't tell me you will go to a party with my if you're not gonna go!!! I'm so frustrated right now! Why does she do that??!! Doesn't friendship mean a damn thing to her?? I don't concider her a good friend anymore, just a friend of the family and this was the absolute last time I'll ever agree to do something "fun" with her! It seems to only cost me money and patience!!! NO MORE!
Friends should love each other, help each other and be there for each other, not depend and abuse!
Guess this is the story of my life....
Frustrated much?!
It's time for me to write something off my chest!!!
I need to find my strength and will-power again, cuz I've proven to myself that I do have it!!!
I'll take you back to August of last year... It was then when I descided to stop being who I was and becoming who I wanted to be! I wanted to be happy with me and especially what I looked like! I needed to lose weight and I needed to do it my own damn self! I did get help from someone, she was my mental support and obviously my family was there for me too! I managed to lose 16 kilo's so far and I surprised myself with that!
The only frustrating problem is, that I lost my will to continue!!! I'm done with it, but I'm not satisfied yet! I wanna lose about 10 more kilo's and I know how to do it, but it's like I can't bring up the energy to do it... I'm careful with what I eat (most of the time) but I stopped working out!!! What's up with that..??!! I know that THAT is exactly what I should be doing to lose the remaining 10 aching kilo's... So why the hell am I not doing anything??!! It's so hard when people frustrate you especially if the person is YOU! I know I can do it, I've proved it to everybody, so why does the last little part of my trip seem so far far far away? I need to get back on my "weight-losing-horse" ASAP cuz my frustration is building higher!
I'm alot happier than I was before, don't get me wrong! And I'm very proud of all the things I have achieved so far and all the compliments I'm getting, but I'm just not satisfied yet... So I need to get there!
There's nobody that I wanna look like, there's nobody that I wanna impress with the new me, it's just ME! I wanna be as happy and healthy as I can be and for me that means being a little less chubby I guess... It's just personal! I never had health issues and I was never obese, I just wasn't happy... And I'm a lot closer to my personal happiness now, but not quite there yet...
So anyways... I'm killing myself here by not giving it my best to get rid of the last baggage! So starting today I'm doing it, I'm watching what I eat and when I eat it and I will be more active again... THIS YEAR I will have gotten rid of every last damn pound holding me back from happiness!
One of the things I started noticing after losing all this weight, was that my upper arms are becomming horribly jellow-like!! I hate it! So last week I bought some lifting-weights, or whatever you call them, and every day I'm doing some lifts with my arms... It's a start to get that area in a little shape;) I'm not a gym-person, so you won't find me there, unless it's absolutely neccesary! Therefor I hope that doing all this little exercise I can do wherever I am can help me get a little into the shape I'd wanna be... Since I've already proven to myself that doing my best IS good enough, that is exactly what I'm gonna be doing again from now on! I'm picking up my diary again, cuz it helps me stay focused and I WILL step on that damn scale again and fase reality (I know I need a wake-up call somehow) and I WILL finish what I started!
The sun will rise for me every day and give me the strenghth I need to carry on! I wanna feel as beautiful as that sunrise and I won't stop until I get there!
If anybody reads this, which I'm pretty sure won't happen..... I just want you to know that you can do it! You have strenght in you that surprises yourself, believe me!!! As long as you want something a 100% you can achieve it, only you and no one else for you! Although it does help to have people supporting you! But remember... No matter what you do, do it for YOU
This is a pic of me last year...
If you know me, you can be the judge if you see any difference... ;) I'm happy to say, that by now I DO!
I need to find my strength and will-power again, cuz I've proven to myself that I do have it!!!
I'll take you back to August of last year... It was then when I descided to stop being who I was and becoming who I wanted to be! I wanted to be happy with me and especially what I looked like! I needed to lose weight and I needed to do it my own damn self! I did get help from someone, she was my mental support and obviously my family was there for me too! I managed to lose 16 kilo's so far and I surprised myself with that!
The only frustrating problem is, that I lost my will to continue!!! I'm done with it, but I'm not satisfied yet! I wanna lose about 10 more kilo's and I know how to do it, but it's like I can't bring up the energy to do it... I'm careful with what I eat (most of the time) but I stopped working out!!! What's up with that..??!! I know that THAT is exactly what I should be doing to lose the remaining 10 aching kilo's... So why the hell am I not doing anything??!! It's so hard when people frustrate you especially if the person is YOU! I know I can do it, I've proved it to everybody, so why does the last little part of my trip seem so far far far away? I need to get back on my "weight-losing-horse" ASAP cuz my frustration is building higher!
I'm alot happier than I was before, don't get me wrong! And I'm very proud of all the things I have achieved so far and all the compliments I'm getting, but I'm just not satisfied yet... So I need to get there!
There's nobody that I wanna look like, there's nobody that I wanna impress with the new me, it's just ME! I wanna be as happy and healthy as I can be and for me that means being a little less chubby I guess... It's just personal! I never had health issues and I was never obese, I just wasn't happy... And I'm a lot closer to my personal happiness now, but not quite there yet...
So anyways... I'm killing myself here by not giving it my best to get rid of the last baggage! So starting today I'm doing it, I'm watching what I eat and when I eat it and I will be more active again... THIS YEAR I will have gotten rid of every last damn pound holding me back from happiness!
One of the things I started noticing after losing all this weight, was that my upper arms are becomming horribly jellow-like!! I hate it! So last week I bought some lifting-weights, or whatever you call them, and every day I'm doing some lifts with my arms... It's a start to get that area in a little shape;) I'm not a gym-person, so you won't find me there, unless it's absolutely neccesary! Therefor I hope that doing all this little exercise I can do wherever I am can help me get a little into the shape I'd wanna be... Since I've already proven to myself that doing my best IS good enough, that is exactly what I'm gonna be doing again from now on! I'm picking up my diary again, cuz it helps me stay focused and I WILL step on that damn scale again and fase reality (I know I need a wake-up call somehow) and I WILL finish what I started!
The sun will rise for me every day and give me the strenghth I need to carry on! I wanna feel as beautiful as that sunrise and I won't stop until I get there!
If anybody reads this, which I'm pretty sure won't happen..... I just want you to know that you can do it! You have strenght in you that surprises yourself, believe me!!! As long as you want something a 100% you can achieve it, only you and no one else for you! Although it does help to have people supporting you! But remember... No matter what you do, do it for YOU
This is a pic of me last year...
If you know me, you can be the judge if you see any difference... ;) I'm happy to say, that by now I DO!
MARS gig experience
It was on June 8th of this year! MARS was coming back to Holland, Tilburg this time.
After the gig in Amsterdam in March of this year I decided I was gonna see them as often
as possible! That was the night I became an Echelon! Just to feel the energy coming from the
crowd and the guys! It was unforgettable!
Anyways, I had to go all by myself to the Tilburg show, cuz the person who was coming with me,kinda stood me up LOL. Normally I'd just not go if I had to go alone, butI was gonna go no matter what! To see MARS ofcourse, but also cuz I knew that the Echelon would
make it one big family event! And they did. I brought a book to kill time, but I didn't need it.
I arrived at 11 am and before I knew it, I was chatting with all these girls (so many girls come to see MARS...I wonder why...) around me and I forgot about the time! It was flying! It felt as if I was talkingto people I knew for ages! But than again we had one huge thing in common, one solid base:30 SECONDS TO MARS!!! And what they do to us and I guess we found out that to all of us Echelon, they mean MUSIC, LIFE, BELIEVING and UNDERSTANDING! Everyone I met could relate to at least one of the songs... Amazing, that's all I can say!
Finally we were able to get in! I'd hoped that standing in line for almost 8 hours was gonna get me a front row view, but it was so crowded!! Where I was standing was pretty good anyways!
Unlike in Amsterdam where I did stand all the way in the front but I couldn't see Shannon (DAMN!) I now did have a few Echelon in front of me, but I saw all three of them!
Unfortunately a combination of not eating/drinking enough, a hot venue and the lovely Jared telling everybody to take 3 f-ing steps forward was my kill! I was about to pass out and I had to step out of the crowd... I never felt so down in my life! After months of waiting and standing in line for hours I have to miss out on the last 30 minutes of the show..??!!
I heard Jared, who sneeked as always into the middle of the crowd, do a little ALIBI and I kinda fell apart a little... But as the song sais I got back up again (I had to, the floor is the most comfortable place to sit) and I decided to got to the TMF aWARds, cuz MARS was gonna play there and I even bough tics to see them in Germany in December! Next month I'll
get my glyphics tattoo cuz I BELIEVE and I do nothing but listen and relate to their music!
"Some people believe in God, I believe in Music and some people pray, I turn up the radio. Music is EVERYTHING to me!"
So Jared, Shannon and Tomo... You can get a HALLELUJA!!!
After the gig in Amsterdam in March of this year I decided I was gonna see them as often
as possible! That was the night I became an Echelon! Just to feel the energy coming from the
crowd and the guys! It was unforgettable!
Anyways, I had to go all by myself to the Tilburg show, cuz the person who was coming with me,kinda stood me up LOL. Normally I'd just not go if I had to go alone, butI was gonna go no matter what! To see MARS ofcourse, but also cuz I knew that the Echelon would
make it one big family event! And they did. I brought a book to kill time, but I didn't need it.
I arrived at 11 am and before I knew it, I was chatting with all these girls (so many girls come to see MARS...I wonder why...) around me and I forgot about the time! It was flying! It felt as if I was talkingto people I knew for ages! But than again we had one huge thing in common, one solid base:30 SECONDS TO MARS!!! And what they do to us and I guess we found out that to all of us Echelon, they mean MUSIC, LIFE, BELIEVING and UNDERSTANDING! Everyone I met could relate to at least one of the songs... Amazing, that's all I can say!
Finally we were able to get in! I'd hoped that standing in line for almost 8 hours was gonna get me a front row view, but it was so crowded!! Where I was standing was pretty good anyways!
Unlike in Amsterdam where I did stand all the way in the front but I couldn't see Shannon (DAMN!) I now did have a few Echelon in front of me, but I saw all three of them!
Unfortunately a combination of not eating/drinking enough, a hot venue and the lovely Jared telling everybody to take 3 f-ing steps forward was my kill! I was about to pass out and I had to step out of the crowd... I never felt so down in my life! After months of waiting and standing in line for hours I have to miss out on the last 30 minutes of the show..??!!
I heard Jared, who sneeked as always into the middle of the crowd, do a little ALIBI and I kinda fell apart a little... But as the song sais I got back up again (I had to, the floor is the most comfortable place to sit) and I decided to got to the TMF aWARds, cuz MARS was gonna play there and I even bough tics to see them in Germany in December! Next month I'll
get my glyphics tattoo cuz I BELIEVE and I do nothing but listen and relate to their music!
"Some people believe in God, I believe in Music and some people pray, I turn up the radio. Music is EVERYTHING to me!"
So Jared, Shannon and Tomo... You can get a HALLELUJA!!!
God daughter
October 18th)
Today I was asked to become a god-mother!
I was completely shocked, did not see that coming! And I was also very excited and even let a little tear go. So everybody else started letting the water works come!
It's gonna be my cousins' 2nd baby. He and his girlfriend already have a little girl so I can't wait to find out if it's gonna be another girl or if I'm gonna have a god-son! Eitherway I'll love the baby! I feel so special because of this. It's nice to know you have such a close family.
The baby is due May 6th... I'm glad time flies! And in a couple of weeks we'll find out if it's a boy or a girl, since we pretty much only have girls in the family it would be great to have a boy now. But a girl is just as fine, as long as the baby is healthy, that's most important!
I'm so excited and happy, I just had to share it with you guys!!!
And in a couple of months we'll celebrate my god-baby hahahaha
I love the sound of it already!!!!!
Can't wait for you little baby
November 17th)
Today I found out that everything is still going great. Heartbeat is strong and everything is growing the way it is supposed to November 30th we'll find out if it's gonna be a boy or a girl
In Holland it is tradition (don't know if it's typically Dutch..) to make a sign indicating that a baby is born to put in the front yard. Me being a pretty creative person, have been looking throughout the internet for an idea to use for the sign... And I already came up with something! Baby-Toones (they're so cute) If it's a girl it's gonna be a baby bunny holding a big heart and if it's a boy it'll be baby-Bugs Bunny driving a racing car holding a carrot! Since that one sounds most interesting it would be cool to make that one, but the girly one looks really cute too 3 more weeks before I know which one to make! Can't wait
January 18th)
It's been ages I know... Been up to so many things!! Anyways... A couple of months (already) ago, we found out that it's gonna be a GIRL!!!So I'm going to have a god-daughter! YAY! I see cute stuff I wanna buy everywhere, but first she has to be born ofcourse... So the sign is obviously going to be the cute girly bunny! I really can't wait for this little girl to come into my life. I know she will have a very special place in my heart!
Talk to you soon!!!!
April 6th)
Last week I heard her heartbeat myself! She has a fast little heart and I love it already!
Only one month left, give or take! Who knows, she might come 2 weeks early or late! My cousin absolutely can't wait for her to be born, her belly is getting BIG! She's gonna try to give birth at home and I can only hope all goes well and she can do it! It's getting so close now! I honest to god can't wait any longer either! Though 9 months go by so very fast, it can't be fast enough when a baby is gonna get born!
The sign is done! One last coating and it will be strong enough for all weather LOL! I love how it turned out, but y'all are gonna have to wait till she's born, then I'll put up a pic of it;) And her name! I'm so curious to find out what my god-daughter is going to be called I'll probably like it anyways HA!
So... in one month you'll hear from me again! With lots of pics!!!
May 18th)
Today she is here!!! At 12.24 am my god-daughter SHENNA was born. She decided to stay inside her moms' belly 2 weeks longer then she was supposed to (2 nervewrecking weeks, I'll tell you that much!), so they induced my cousin and only 2 hours later she was born! She weighs 3810 grams, so she is a lot bigger than we thought she was gonna be! She is a beautiful little princess and she stole my heart before I even saw her. At 7 pm it was finally time for me to meet the little girl and I'll admit, I teared up again, just like I did when we got the phone call from my cousin telling us she was born. I knew it was going to be something special, a god-daughter in stead of another little niece, but I didn't know it was gonna feel this special! I will love and spoil her to pieces and she will always have a special place in my heart!
Here little Shenna is 3 months old already! She's starting to make sounds and recognize people! I love her very much!
Abonneren op:
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